I've heard that phrase a lot lately and it makes me sad. Now, I'm not knocking it or trying to offend anyone, so don't get your hackles up. :) I read this article in Time tonight and thought I would share.
I'm an only child. My parents tried for almost 2 years to get pregnant with me. They were on the verge of starting fertility treatments (no small feat for a young couple in the 70's) when they turned up prego with yours truly. After I was born, my mom became pregnant 3 more times and miscarried all 3 babies. Devastating for her, as you can imagine.
Growing up, I wanted a sibling soooo badly. I didn't even care if it was a boy or a girl. Granted, we lived out in the country (and I mean, OUT- my school, grades K-12, was housed in a series of trailers). But I had close friends and we saw them a lot. I just wanted a brother or sister. BAD. As I got older, around 10 or so I imagine, I decided it wasn't so bad to be the only.
Now that I'm much older, I long for a sibling. It can nearly bring me to tears. Does that sound silly to those of you with siblings? Well, here's my thought. When my parents are gone, it's just me. Yes, I'm married to a wonderful man. And yes, I have two beautiful children who are the light of my life. But they don't know the me that was 7 and crawled in the dog house with Brandy and her puppies. They don't know the me that moved to AR and cried for weeks. They don't know the me that almost didn't make the cheer squad in 8th grade. They don't know the me who hated high school but cried through the entire graduation. They don't know the me who made so many mistakes and had so many good times and cried and laughed. A sibling would. And a sibling would know what I'm feeling when my mom and dad are gone.
Do I sound morbid? I'm not trying to, I promise. My parents have both had serious health problems. My mom cannot do anything about hers. She can manage it, but no cure. That means a shortened life span. My mom and I are super close, and I can't even think about that.
I'm tired from leading 11 kindergarteners around VBS for 3 hours this week, so maybe I'm just feeling extra emotional. But when am I not? ;)
I would love to hear your thoughts, even if they're different than mine!
While you're on a blog roll, check out Megan's post on friendship. I haven't commented yet, I'm still fermenting mine. :)
Have a great day!
3 comments:
I completely agree with you, Tracy!! I thought I was only going to have one child... for so long. And that's all I ever wanted (selfishly)! But, when I started thinking about my son not having any siblings for him to mourn with if something were to ever happen to me or my husband, then it made me sad. I cannot imagine growing up by my lonesome... no siblings. My sisters and brother fought often, but when the disagreement is over, we still have a deep love for one another! I have two sisters and a brother (who I don't talk to that often, but it doesn't take away the fact that we love each other)! I simply cannot imagine my life without them and as an adult, I feel extremely blessed to have them in my life! They are my best friends... besides my husband and my parents! Now, my husband did grow up as an only child... and he knows exactly the life that you spoke of. :( He is still trying to get used to his siblings by marriage! Deep down he longed for his own... but, his mother opted to get her tubes tied immediately after his birth... perhaps threatened the doctors! LOL The world would be so lonely without them! :( I'm sorry that it is still affecting you... as I will never know that longing feeling! :( Perhaps, that is also why (my husband being an only child like you) would like to have even more children than the two we have! I am not completely opposed to it... but I know why he thinks along those lines! Your kids are very blessed to have a mother like you... you are a great mother!! :) I know you have dear friends and family that are like siblings to you!!! :) Thanks for sharing your blog, girl!
I read the article, and what started out sounding elitist to me (why did she have to say that thing about minimum wage earners?) actually ended up making some points that made sense to me. It probably is easier to get time alone when there's only one and surely it's more cost-effective.
I think parents are the key to whether a child is well-adjusted, not birth order or number of siblings. Maybe singletons don't have to share on such a regular basis as those who have siblings, but parents can teach those principles regardless of opportunity.
I also think most people frame their decision about how many children to have based on their own growing-up experiences. For me, I enjoyed the three we had in my family and so three felt comfortable for me when we beganto think about starting a family.
Looking forward to your comment on friendships.
I think I know that "me"! There are so many times that I think to myself, "Tracy would get it. Trace would think that is funny too. Tracis would understand!" and there is no one else that could. Through everything we've been through together, it is so comforting and I'm so grateful to have you as my best friend. A better word would be sister. My move to AR was heartbreaking too, at the time, but I truly believe that there are some reasons that God led my family here. One (an extremely important one) being for you and I to become best friends and always be best friends. Yes, I do have a sibling, but my brother and I are so far apart in age that we were never really close and he was like a third parent. I love him and his family, but even as we've grown I still don't feel like I know him well. As for that article...we talked about this the other day I know, but I just have to say, as I've recently learned, God controls the timing and size of my family. Jeff and I both agree on that and when it is time it will be time. I don't think the economy will have anything to do with it! Love you!!!!
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